Merry Fuckin Christmas to you all!

Hello all and merry tidings to you all,
I don't often post on this site, but when I do, I feel I must or I am drunk. I am drunk. I am, saddened once again that I am alone. I am drunk, but yet I am not happy. Once again I am single at a time when others shall be joined. I went to my Company's Christmas dinner alone. I feel as if I will never find Love.  I am as empty as when I was born. I was told, tonight, that I must be an ass to be loved. What a curious contradiction. To be loved is to be hated. I shall not be. It is not my nature.

If I have to be a jackass to be loved then I wish to not be loved. I am a man. If I am a man then a Jackass I shall not be. I watch others, and though they are flawed, they are loved. Though I strive to be a good man, I am ignored.

Is it my mother's fault? To be taught to treat women with respect and courtesy? No, it is own my own fault. I need to be dangerous, but yet compassionate. To be hard, yet loving.  It is a courious contradiction. The highest honor that could be given would be to called: a Spartan. A man that will defend his homeland and wife to all extremes and yet not show any softness or love. 

I sit here, in my room. I watch movies that extol the virtues of being wholesome and just. But that does not yet earn me Love. To be a man requires a measure of aloofness to which I am not comfortable. Of which, I may never be comfortable.

I am lost. Am I forever to be forgotten? Am I, the mediocre messure of what man should be?

I know this sounds of Emo shit. But I don't wear eyeliner and black. I wear ties, and buttoned-up shirts. I wish to be of the Elite. The proud, and powerful.  

But yet, I am alone. I believe in the power of free-enterprise, and the compassion of univeral health care.

What am I to do?

I am too soft.