Half tired musing about meeting people

I'm hopping around on MySpace as I sometimes accustomed to doing, and I see that I have 1,412 profile views. For some that's not a lot, and I bet that most of those views were just net bots looking to steal my information. But really could you meet that many people in day? Maybe you could meet one person in a day, and really get to know him or her. Go ahead and think about it. I won't stop you. Take five minutes, and come back here when you are done. OK, good, you're back. Now think about this: what if you met one new person each day. That would be 365 people in a year, and if you really got to know them then that would be 365 more souls that you came close to understanding. It would be nice if we all could get to know each other a little bit better. Then the world might not have as many problems as it does now. Maybe our lives would feel a little more whole if we took five minutes each day to fucking give a shit about someone we don't know. Last Friday night, I met an acquaintance whom I new from a local video game store. He's a manager there. I had been drinking. Hell, we all had been drinking. I was there with my friend Bruce, and I said hello to this game store guy that I barely knew. He starts to tell me about what's going on in his life, but I don't really listen to him. He was looking for some advice and guidance. At the time I really couldn't give two shits about his life, because it's his life. I just said my goodbyes after my drink, and left the bar. People do ask me for advice sometimes. Sometimes I know what to say, and the other times I fucking don't. But, if I could make an effort to care about someone I really don't know then I might just make a difference in someone's life. But I was assuming that the shit he was dealing with wasn't just as important as my shit is to me. I think as a society we judge people to quickly. In the Infinite Net, we have MySpace, FaceBook, and Adult Friend Finder profiles. But it's just like a judging a book by it's cover. Nine tenths of what we think when we first see one of those profiles is whether she or he is hot or not. We never think I would like to get to know that person, and find out what they are like. What their soul is like if such a thing exists. I'm guilty of this too. I see really hot chick online, and I think how awesome it would be to just bang her, no strings attached. I don't think: I wonder what her favorite author or album is. Is it pathetic that I am being led around by my cock like most of my sex? I used to think that I was a good guy, but "meeting new people" is just another euphemism for trying to get laid. Anyway, it's just a musing.

No ones likes you.

Face it, no one likes you. They like the you that's better, and perfect. They don't want to see the real you. If they did Ross Perot would have become President. That squirrelly little man with big ears would have been seen as a THE conservative business giant that he is. True, he wouldn't hire you if your face wasn't cleanly shaved everyday of the week. But, like everyone else he wants his version of the perfect you. Everyone says that it would be nice if we could just slow down and take life as it comes. Thats grade A bullshit. Harder, better, faster, and stronger: thats the motto for this new technological age. Our whole culture is trying to "improve" on ourselves. I am not limited from the mass of people trying to be something more than what they were originally. I am deaf in my left ear, and have been so for all of my life. Now I can get an implant that could give me almost complete hearing in that ear. But why should I? Am I defective? Am I less of a man or person for having this disability. Its not a disability, and I am not handicapped. I live fine without that left ear, and I will for a long time. Hell, I used to play violin pretty damn well. But, I could have more, and thats what we all want. We want what we can't have. If we can't have the perfect you then we don't want you. We won't like you.

The best moment for me was after the game.

For most people tonight the Super Bowl was the event to watch on TV. For me it was just a prelude to the real excitment. For those of you who haven't heard me say it: I love watching "House". Now I'm not saying that tonight's game wasn't the best Super Bowl in years; it was. The game was awesome, Tom Petty was great, and the commercials were entertaining just as they always are. However, I was mostly looking forward to the House special that was after the game.


There are some things that people could say about the main character from that show, and most of what they would say are not polite nor pleasant. But, after watching House, I was left wondering about the nature of the character and my ownself as it compares to that character. I was left to think about one part about House's behavior: how he is anti-social. After reading what is true Antisocial Personality Disorder (APD), I don't see those qualities in myself. Mainly, to have APD one must have a pervasive pattern of disregard or violate, the rights of others. If I have one flaw in my romantic relationships is that I am too scared that I will offend the person I'm with or some how not care enough about them. I try to compensate for that which comes off as needy or giving off a sense not having any confidence. House disregards the feelings of others. I don't, and I try not to. So when I say that I might be anti-social then I am just using that as a generalized term.


In my previous post, I talked about that I don't go out very much, and that I live vicariously through the lives and personalities I see on TV. I thought that it might due to that I was just being lazy. But tonight I thought what if I am being anti-social. One of my friends had a little party at a bar last Thursday to celebrate her birthday. Now it is true that the same day I did spent twelve hours at work, and I was tired from that. However, I wanted to party, but I didn't feel like partying. So I sat at the bar, and drank two Guinesses and a couple of shots. I was hardly the life of the party. Also, I am pretty much broke tonight, but I could have gone down to the Front Page to watch the game down there. I hardly speak to any of my roomates, and I mostly watch all my movies alone in my apartment. If not for the hours I spend at work; I would be alone.


Now, I'm not depressed, and I do find that I am happy that I can be independent. But, am I just substituting real independence to be anti-social. Most of time I rationalize that the reason for sitting alone at home all the time and not go out is that I am broke. But there are alot of things that I could do that are free. I could go to a church service, sit out in the sun and people watch while listening to one of my favorite bands, or go window shopping.

So am I anti-social? No, I don't think so. I like being around my co-workers as they are my friends, and I miss my friends from college and Pittsburgh. I feel that I am at a point in my life where living on my own just means that I will be spending more time alone. I think the main cause for this feeling that I am alone is the apartment that I live in. We only share two rooms: the bathroom and the kitchen. There is a common dining room, but we just use it as a storage room. We all watch tv, eat, and relax in our own rooms. I could go a week or two and not see my other roommates. I think I am used to living with more people, and with less room to myself. So unless I want to give up some space then I am just going to have to get used to being more alone. Besides, right now I can pretty much do what I want when I want to do it. And there is nothing wrong with that.

Comparing myself with House shows me that while he might be funnier; I can be a much nicer guy. He's still really cool though.

Here's a clip from the show for your pleasure.



P.S. Oh just something I thought of: I am glad I am not famous. If my fat ass was on TV then I am sure that people would make so much fun of me. I wouldn't mind being rich; just not famous. Just a thought.

Living Vicariously

Everybody has their own recipe for fun. Mine lately has been to just to stay at home, and veg out in front of my TV and computer. Some adults live vicariously through their children. I live it through the characters on the TV. Sure, the characters on TV have better things to do than soccer matches, piano lessons, and endless parent teacher conferences. But still what I do can't be healthy.

I tried to be more active when I first came to DC. I went to the National Zoo, Air and Space Museum, and the Natural History Museum. I love Georgetown, Dupont Circle, and Chinatown. I think the real problem is my laziness, but I can't help but think that part of the blame also lives with that the world has become smaller. I really want to see Paris, but I seriously doubt that will ever happen. But why worry when I can see it through the eyes of chef Anthony Bourdain.

I have a plan to rectify that.

For awhile now I have been wanting to make a small two-day vacation to Atlantic City. I thinking that I will stay at the Showboat hotel. Its not too expensive, and there is a casino on site. Amtrak seems the way to go. Flights are too expensive, and taking Greyhound is, well, too cramped. I've taken 5 hour trips on a greyhound bus, and if you are lucky to get two seats to yourself then its not too bad. But I've done that and got the t-shirt. I can't remember one meaningful conversation I've had with someone on those buses. Well, that's not true, but I don't want to go into that story. Anyway, I hope to do this vacation some time in March or April.

About, two weeks ago I received an email from a friend I have not seen in a long while. I hope to hear from her very soon.